She thinks happiness is a mat on her doorstep

Maybe I'll start with a little background on my life. My sophomore year I had open heart surgery, and then junior year I had it again to replace my mitral valve. Everything went okay through high school, I lost a lot of friends, but for the first two years after my surgery I tried to cover my scar. I was embarrassed because people would stare and the last thing I wanted was for people to think I was different. One morning I woke up and decided I didn't care anymore. I started wearing the clothes I wanted to and people made comments to me about how amazing it was that I had the courage to show my scar off. One day I was at walmart the worst store in the world, and a mom came up to me and told me I should cover my scar because it was scaring her 4 year old daughter. I politely looked at her and told her maybe you should explain to her that I was very sick and the doctors were able to fix me up, and walked away.

I thought no one would ever be able to love me, because of all my health problems and scars and the fact that I am not always able to get up and do everything all the time. Then I met Brian. Brian has been through a lot as well. He was in a car accident in 2003 and his girlfriend at the time passed away instantly. He was given a 5% chance of living the first night and if he did he would be a vegetable. However almost 6 years later here he is, almost to the point he was at before the accident. We have been together for over three years and are going to get married.

Children have been a huge topic for us because of my health problems. I found out last June I can't have kids and have been struggling ever since with coming to grips with the fact that I will never be pregnant. It's a grieving process, that has been a long hard road. He has been so supportive and is okay with adoption 100%. I'm excited, for it, but sad at the same time. I know that I will give children a loving home, that they might not otherwise get. My therapist suggested starting a hope chest, so I have collecting cute antiques for the babies rooms and some cute clothes it makes things a lot easier.

I have been stuck in my house for over a month almost all the time because of migraines. It's not fun, but I have been crafting a lot and spending time with Zoey and Haley, my puppies which are my kiddos for now. I love them very very much!

My goal is to design baby clothes at some point and be the best mom I know I can be.

All though life is crazy right now, it's fun. No matter how terrible things can be, it will be okay.

Lover


My happy family!