Whisper hello I miss you quite terribly

Dear Wii Fit Plus,
I promise I am not neglecting you, things have just been overly crazy right now. Trust me I will come back to you hopefully as soon as tomorrow.
Love always,
Casey

I wish I could find the motivation to update this everyday like I used to update my old one. Alas so far this isn't happening.

Today I went and got a lovely massage at my favorite spa Fuchsia. it's the highlight of every other Thursday.

I also looked on my favorite clothing website and am seriously considering buying a few new pairs of jeans and maybe a couple tops. What I can tell your for sure is I'm pretty sure my closet would explode if anything else is put in there, I think I am going to test that theory though.

I want to make this blog look cute, but for some reason this is such a challenge for me. When I recently ran across Natalie's blog from Millie's I fell completely in love with her blog. I want to make this one beautiful like hers. Help please?!

Toddlers and Tiaras is on right now. I think it so sad the amount of pressure parents put on their kids to be perfect at the age of 4. Maybe it is just that I feel like kids should be allowed to stay kids for as long as possible and unfortunately in this world, kids grow up way to quick. It breaks my heart.

Brian and I are going to California in March. I need to get reservations made pronto, but I'm still deciding between two or three nights. I just want a few days out of this state, out of my element. My mind shuts off far more often on vacation then when I am here. I need a break from my mind. Is that even possible? 4 days with Brian, the zoo, the beach, the wild animal park and some good quality time together is all I want right now.

We are having a huge family brunch on Saturday the 27th. I'm a little nervous, but three of my cousins had babies, so there will be lots of babies for me to hold and love on. I'm most comfortable when I'm with kids. I love them all so much and I can't wait to start filling out adoption paperwork in the fall. I have been told my whole life that I am completely made for being a mom. Holding babies is completely natural for me, and most people say that I look totally at ease with kids. True, true, true.

We went on a date last night. RA for happy hour (no alcohol for us thanks), then to the mall to pick up my ring that Brian bought me three years ago and to get him a chain for Sarah's ring. Then we went to Michaels. For those of you who don't know me know that Michaels is basically my mecca. I love craft stores, I love making things. I love all of it. I got a killer deal on 7 frames and 8 candles.

Tomorrow I go see my doctor, who is also my cousins husband. He is amazing and I love that family so much. I'm going to get to watch their baby girl hopefully this weekend while they go on a date.

School starts in the fall I'm hoping, but I'm waiting to qualify for financial aid.

I loved spending all of Valentines day in my pajamas spending time with Brian. It was perfect and I couldn't ask for anything better.

I love the warmer weather.

I love, love.

Lets get to know each other better :)

XOXO Casey

Love always finds a way

Firsts:

• The first time I met Brian he was wearing a skirt and a shirt that said "wanted boyfriend", I really didn't even notice it because he was driving. It still makes me laugh to this day.
• The first time I really started to fall in love with him, was the night that a lot of bad stuff happened. He met me at Sun Ray Park where I was sobbing, and just held me. We sat there for so long in completely silence, and I have never felt safer.
• The first time he held my hand was a few days after the stuff went down, and we were driving around chandler air park talking about everything that was going on. I started crying and he held my hand for the rest of the night. They fit perfectly together.
  
• The first time we kissed, he wrote "I really want to kiss you" on my back with his finger. I had no idea what he wrote, and begged him to tell me. That's when he kissed me. It was the best first kiss I could have asked for.
• The first date we ever went on was to see Saw II. So romantic I know.
• We started going out in November, but the first time he officially asked me to be his girlfriend was December 9th 2005.
• The first time he said he was falling in love with me, was New Years eve 2005.
  
• The first time we said "I Love You" was a few days after that.
• He took me to see snow for the first time.
  
• The first concert we went to was Boys Night Out for our first Valentines day!
• He is the first and only boy I have ever truly loved.

Random things you may or may not know about me

1. I started this blog a long time ago, in hopes that Brian and I would both update and be able to keep in touch with people we don't see often. It's sat here for too long and now I'm just going to use it.
2. I used to write daily, an outlet for all my thoughts, lately they have been inconsistent, crazy and somewhat depressing. But the times are a changing.
   
3. I have a billion clothes in my closet and still feel the need to buy more.
4. I had surgery in December to have my tubes tied and an ablation. When we found out I would die if I was ever to become pregnant, I felt it was necessary for my sanity to make sure that never happened.
5. I sing constantly to everything and anything I am listening to. I love everything from The Beatles, Cheap Trick and The Cure, to Taylor Swift, Lady Gaga and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
6. I can't wait to get involved with the Children's Heart Association and may do some speaking and hopefully volunteering with kids going through things similar to what I went through.
7. I cry easily. At commercials, movies, songs, stories in the news paper, you name it, I'm sure it will make me cry.
8. I am obsessed with taking pictures and am hoping to be a photographer on the side.
9. I'm only 5'10" please don't argue with me about my height, I am aware that when I sit I am the same height as my friends 5'3" and under, I am very short waisted.
10. I love working with children and I can't wait to adopt.
11. I love the names Cadence, Ann Marie, Sarah Elizabeth, Taylor, Bentley, Connor and Jackson.
12. If I were a boy I would have been named Blue after my dads best friend who died in Vietnam.
13. I am not close to any of my extended family, except my 2nd Cousin Janie and her whole family.
14. My dogs are my babies, and we refer to them as our daughters for the time being.
15. Brian is my one true love, and my first true love. I can't wait to tell that story to our kids.
16. We have been together for over 4 years but it feels so much longer.
17. I want to live in Colorado or California, but would be content in Arizona my whole life if that is where we stay.
18. I fill our walls with scrapbooked frames and lovely photography.
19. I am in love with the wii fit plus and yoga.
20. Teen mom is one of my favorite shows. Maci and Bentley are my favorites. Catelyn and Tyler are my inspiration.
21. I could eat pumpkin cream cheese and pumpkin bagels for the rest of my life.
22. I never thought I could love someone as much as I love Brian, and I didn't think it was possible to fall more in love everyday.
23. Sapphires, Diamonds and White gold are my favorite Jewelry.
24. Roses, Gerbera Daisies and Sun Flowers are my favorite flowers depending on my mood.
25. My eyes change color from brown to green to blue.
26. Summer time and dresses complete my life.
27. Christmas lights, Christmas trees and Hot Chai are the best parts of winter.
28. I have a beautiful wedding planned in my head.
29. Penguins stay with one mate their whole life, they always come back to that one other penguin no matter what. Brian is my penguin.
30. Black, Red and White are my favorite colors for my house.
31. My daughters nursery will be pink and brown, covered with Kurt Halsey photos.
32. Kurt Halsey is my favorite artist.
33. Jenny Hansen takes beautiful pictures and I feel blessed that she is going to photograph Brian and I in March.
34. Amelia is another amazing photographer, Saturday will be lovely!
35. I am there for anyone, 24-7.
36. Baby shoes are my weakness.
37. I am a sucker for anything acoustic.
38. Chandler air park holds a significant meaning to me.
39. I want to know you better. Lets make that happen!
    

Ladies and Gentelmen

http://www.facebook.com/notes/jenny-hansen/700/275129989487

This my friends is the amazing and talented Jenny Hansen. She is currently holding a sale on all of the gorgeous items she made last year. I definitely think you should all check it out.


More updates on christmas, my 23rd birthday and more are coming this way, I've been MIA due to surgery and sickness.

Dear You

Some days I feel as though everything is falling apart. Like one year ago this next month ruined everything in my life. I braved the days and held myself together for a long time. I wish I never found out that having children was not in the cards for me, for us. I carry a guilt and a sorrow, not only for myself, but for you as well. I am sorry everyday for the fact that I won't be able to give you you're child. One that is you and me. But I find comfort in the fact that WE will be able to give children a loving and caring home, one that they never would have had. And they will grow up knowing that we love the absolute hell out of them, and that we would never ever want it any other way. I know the day that baby is put in my arms, my entire world will fall completely into place. That the sorrow and anxiety and depression I carry around every day about the loss of a baby that is you and me, will fall away in the eyes of a child I will love my whole life, and will spend every ounce of my enegery making sure they know that.

I dream and imagine about their rooms the nurseries, some days it's what keeps me going. Pink and Brown for a girl, Crazy Dinosaur fun for a boy.

Going to see the doctor in July scares me, surgery scares me and I am sorry for all the words and hurtful things that were said on Saturday. I am sorry for all of it. I am sorry that there was no other way for the words "I'm scared" to come out. I want to live my life out with you. There is a part of me... a big part that is terrified of missing all of it.

I never admitted this..... But I loved you the day I met you. Through out all of the stupid things that happened for a long time, that first kiss was when I truly knew I loved you, and I fought for you, and look where we are. You saved me. And you continue to save me when the hard things come up. Whether there is a ring involved or not, we are engaged, the way we feel about one another is all that matters and that is all I need right now. One day the ring will come and I will cry tears of joy just like you said, and I await that day. But for now I know in my heart all that matters is that we are going to spend our entire lives together and I want the world to know that.. And I would want no other person in my life to be my fiance.

I love you, with all of my heart. You are my first love, my only love. I wish we had met sooner, fallen in love sooner. But I cherish every moment, everyday, every breath. This life we will have together is what I dream about and what makes these days bearable. Because things are hard. I am done putting on a brave face, it was my only way of coping for a long time. I will fall apart when I need too and I hope with all my heart you will hold me every time and put me back together.

Love always and for every,
me.

Cinco De Drinko

Apparently today is just another reason that allows people to go out and get trashed and "justify it"

I spent the day antique shopping with my mom. Could I be any farther from what most kids my age are doing? Probably not. It was a lot of fun and I got a bunch of stuff for our christmas village. Last year it looked like this:
complete with three or four churches, a penguin house and about 300 snowmen. This year it will probably be twice as big. The boy got into a contest with his family as to who could make the best village and we voted ours the best, especially since it was our first year.

I also bought a glass dinosaur, some pigs for my mom, and presents for my someday to be father in law. I came home made enchilada pie, and fell asleep at 5pm. What a day folks. Anyways I woke up at 8:30 freaking out that it was the middle of the night and I had missed taking my medicine and then felt rather silly when I realized it was only 8:30.

I started the application process for temporary disability. It's been a long hard road but I think it's important because if I can't get a job anytime soon, the last thing I want is to lose the ability to rent our house or anything like that. Definitely makes me nervous..

I am laying in bed watching Dr. Phil (awful I know) but it's my guilty pleasure and Zoey is laying by my feet. She is such a goober, and when her and haley play fight she turns into a kung-foo fighter. It's pretty awesome.

Anyways, back to Dr. Phil and wishing I were here:
xoxo

She thinks happiness is a mat on her doorstep

Maybe I'll start with a little background on my life. My sophomore year I had open heart surgery, and then junior year I had it again to replace my mitral valve. Everything went okay through high school, I lost a lot of friends, but for the first two years after my surgery I tried to cover my scar. I was embarrassed because people would stare and the last thing I wanted was for people to think I was different. One morning I woke up and decided I didn't care anymore. I started wearing the clothes I wanted to and people made comments to me about how amazing it was that I had the courage to show my scar off. One day I was at walmart the worst store in the world, and a mom came up to me and told me I should cover my scar because it was scaring her 4 year old daughter. I politely looked at her and told her maybe you should explain to her that I was very sick and the doctors were able to fix me up, and walked away.

I thought no one would ever be able to love me, because of all my health problems and scars and the fact that I am not always able to get up and do everything all the time. Then I met Brian. Brian has been through a lot as well. He was in a car accident in 2003 and his girlfriend at the time passed away instantly. He was given a 5% chance of living the first night and if he did he would be a vegetable. However almost 6 years later here he is, almost to the point he was at before the accident. We have been together for over three years and are going to get married.

Children have been a huge topic for us because of my health problems. I found out last June I can't have kids and have been struggling ever since with coming to grips with the fact that I will never be pregnant. It's a grieving process, that has been a long hard road. He has been so supportive and is okay with adoption 100%. I'm excited, for it, but sad at the same time. I know that I will give children a loving home, that they might not otherwise get. My therapist suggested starting a hope chest, so I have collecting cute antiques for the babies rooms and some cute clothes it makes things a lot easier.

I have been stuck in my house for over a month almost all the time because of migraines. It's not fun, but I have been crafting a lot and spending time with Zoey and Haley, my puppies which are my kiddos for now. I love them very very much!

My goal is to design baby clothes at some point and be the best mom I know I can be.

All though life is crazy right now, it's fun. No matter how terrible things can be, it will be okay.

Lover


My happy family!